You have decided to split up. This decision was not an easy one and now the time has come to tell the children. What is the right moment, how do you tell them and what do you tell them? There are lots of questions you are struggling with. What are the right decisions in a period which is desperately sad?
Often, children know more than you might think. They sense more than you think you are showing them or telling them. They pick up small signals and chances are they interpret them in their own way. And if you have already informed family and friends, they might hear about it from one of them.
Therefore, don’t wait too long after you have made the decision and take the time to prepare together what you want to tell them. Can you already tell them where they are going to live and who they are going to live with? Can they stay at the same school and the same sports club? Be as clear and transparent as possible. Telling children what’s going on can also be a relief for them. They get the chance to provide input, get things off their chest, they can be sad and they can also start making plans.
Your children come first when the time is there to tell them. It is important that there is no tension between you and your (ex-) partner. Show the children that you are still their parents, that nothing has changed in that aspect. Tell them that you are no longer together as partners, but that your love for them will never go away. Keep it short. The message is very intense, give them space to react the way they want. Don’t be surprised if they ask if they can go and play or if they can have a snack. Give room for every response and stay calm. This conversation is about the children, not about you.
Vixx Divorce Coaching can help you during this process, including helping you prepare for this difficult conversation. The divorce coach will also invite the children for a meeting. To hear from them how they feel about the divorce, what they are worried about and to discuss how they would like their daily lives to be organised. The communication between their parents is very important for children. When their parents are able to communicate properly, children will experience less problems during the divorce process. We will pay a lot of attention to this aspect, as even though you are splitting up as partners, you will always remain parents together.Vixx Divorce Coaching